Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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