Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
