i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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