I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
