Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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