very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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