I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
