Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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