She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
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I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
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Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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