When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
