He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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