If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
