I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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