omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize