you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
