we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
