my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
