it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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