Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
