Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
