It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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