Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
