Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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