We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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