i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
