Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
