New low: just hacked my moms facebook
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
