Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
