I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
