they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
