i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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