i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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