great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
This is the prime rib incident all over again
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
