I am midnight drunk by noon
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
