When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Randomize
