Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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