She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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