i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
