He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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