Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize