well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So much Jack, so little girl.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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