I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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