and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize