i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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