the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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