1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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