All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
this is an emotional support booty call
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
