just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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