I wanna passion pit in your ass
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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