who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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