is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
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totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
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Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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