Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
