I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
