it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
